How trying to become a software engineer put me back on the illustration path.
What led to my decision to consider a career change
I’ve been working professionally as a commercial illustrator for the past 8 years and although my journey has not always been easy, for the most part I liked it. On top of creating the artwork, I enjoyed the business side of things — reaching out to new clients, focusing on how I can grow my business, finding new ways to apply my illustration work commercially etc. One of the big drawbacks of being a freelance artist for many people is running the business and that’s something that a lot of my fellow creative friends struggle with. For me, that was the fun part — I saw business as a creative challenge that I enjoyed throughout my career.
However, about a year or so ago something has shifted in how I viewed and felt about myself and my career path. All of the sudden, things such as chasing the next project or client, the unpredictability of it all and the lack of structure which I previously viewed as freedom started getting into me. Things that used to be fun in the past, started dragging me down and felt heavier than before. That compounded with many quiet months of very little to no work got me to zoom out and evaluate my situation more closely. I started getting envious of careers some of my friends were having — a full time job with benefits, stability, security and a hybrid setup suddenly felt like something I wanted. Plus I’m now in my 30s which added to the feeling of needing more stability and security. My head started spinning. There are not many full time opportunities for illustrators (although I have a feeling that this is going to be slowly changing in the near future and more positions will be popping up), so I started looking around and be more open to something new. One day I was talking to my best friend (hello Zuzia!) about my frustrations with the illustration industry and she suggested looking into the path of a software engineer. I had a solid design background with a good chunk of design experience under my belt, and that paired with coding skills could in theory make me one of those “unicorn” 🦄 engineers who can do both — design and code. It sounded great! Not to mention good starting salary, fantastic career growth opportunities and very supportive and welcoming tech community. After doing a lot of thinking and research I decided to enrol on a in-person 3-month long software engineering bootcamp in Toronto. It was a big risk that felt very scary and very exciting at the same time, but I was so ready for a change and by September I was a full time software engineering student.
My bootcamp experience
The bootcamp experience was very full-on in terms of the workload and the amount of after-class time I had to dedicate to it every day. Despite the initial shock to the system, I quickly adjusted to the new structure and became a very attentive student who fully embraced the intensive learning experience 🤓. I was very impressed with how well the course was designed, the quality of lectures and amazing instructors who were very engaging and supportive. This bootcamp was not a cheap venture, but I was learning tons of skills every day and I felt like I was getting my money’s worth for sure.
After 2 weeks I was able to build responsive websites and felt like I was in a good spot in terms of my progress. Although I was learning code during those 2 weeks, I was still working with graphics and visuals while building websites and it felt like a natural progression from what I’ve been doing previously. Things started changing for me during the third week when we dove into the world of Java Script. I found all the lectures very challenging to follow, and regardless of doing my best, I struggled with applying new knowledge and skills when working on tasks and projects during class. In contrast to my previous education in design where I thrived in class, here I was finding myself feeling like I was in the wrong classroom and the feeling only grew stronger the further into the bootcamp I was. I felt like I was back in high school in a class that I had no interest in, but I stayed strong and persevered. They’re teething problems — I was telling myself with hopes that it will get better. Regardless of putting in extra hours in the evenings after classes and working through the weekends I still found myself struggling to keep up. That’s when for the first time I started asking myself the hard questions. Is this really for me? Am I pushing for something that I shouldn’t be pushing? Am I a square that’s trying to become a circle? I was so determined to do well and change my career path, I was ready to work hard for it but at a certain point I could not stop denying that what I was doing every day in class was not resonating with me at all. I was having a hard time following and staying engaged in a classroom setting, and could not even imagine myself doing coding as a full time job down the line. It was time for me to be honest with myself and admit that unfortunately the vision of a thriving software engineer making a 6 figure salary was not one for me. I withdrew from the course and as soon as I’ve made that decision I felt a massive relief and a huge weight off my shoulders.
Rediscovering my passion
While I was relieved and I knew deep inside that I’ve made the right decision, I was also very disappointed that this didn’t work out for me — after all I still needed a change and felt like I went back to square one.
After the initial emotional hurdle, I slowly started experiencing a surge of excitement and new energy for illustration and design. Reflecting on it now, I think I needed to contrast my career in illustration thus far with something so vastly different to be able to look at the visual world from a new perspective. One that wasn’t clouded with frustrations and a feeling of dread that was accompanying me over the past year or so.
My attempt at pursuing coding reminded me how much passion I still had for illustration, and how much this medium was such a big part of me. Reflecting back on my journey now, I can clearly see that the further I moved from illustration, the further away I was moving from (as cheesy as it sounds) the real and true me. In my attempt to make a career switch, I accidentally started drifting away from my true nature and the visual person that I am.
I walked away from my short and sweet romance with code with a huge takeaway that’s actually impacted my career, just not in ways that I originally imagined or had wished for. I decided to continue on my illustration journey and although I still need to make some changes to how I work and structure my business, I now feel a new wave of excitement and energy for my work that I have not felt for a while. I’m able to look at my career with a fresh perspective that’s actually encouraging me and I’m doing everything I can to turn my frustrations with the industry into fuel that will allow me to do things differently and hopefully see better results down the line 🤞
I still think that software development is a very exciting career path, just not one for me. I’m very grateful that I had the opportunity to give it a go and am also proud of myself for trying something completely new and so out of my comfort zone. This process allowed me to grow and notice where on my illustration journey I took the wrong turn and frankly gave up too soon.
Recovering creative
The whole process of trying something different and the few months prior to that when I started slowly removing myself from the illustration world meant that I stopped nurturing and looking after the creative muscle in me which is the fuel for any creative work that I do. It took me some time to internally locate that muscle, but I now know exactly where it is and I’m in the process of tending to it with new energy and motivation. Some of the things that are helping me on this journey are:
- Reading books on the topic of creativity (“The Artist’s Way” by Julia Cameron, “The War of Art” by Steven Pressfield)
- Listening to podcasts that stimulate me creatively (The Creative Pep Talk, The Great Creators, The Diary of a CEO, On Design with Justyna Green, The Handsome Frank Podcast, The Creative Boom Podcast)
- Carving out time for personal work that explores themes that are currently interesting to me
- Therapy work where I can openly talk about my creativity-related struggles
- Surrounding myself with fellow creatives
- Being inspired by other people’s work
This is gentle work. It’s not black and white — there are many shades of grey that I’m trying to notice now and navigate through them to my best ability. At one point I took a wrong turn, and that’s okay. Ultimately, I believe that life is about the journey, not the destination and this wrong turn is just part of my journey. I am working very hard to clean my internal compass so it can show me clearly where I should be heading next. Today I can see that illustration is the current direction on my career journey, and I’m now packing my backpack and am making sure I have enough water and supplies to make sure I arrive safely at the next check-point 😌💛.
